A good death.

 It’s something we all want, but unfortunately many hundreds of thousands, don’t experience - a good death. The distinguished doctor Peter Fenwick, decided to specialise in - end of life experience. His seminal book The Art of Dying has had a profound impact on his profession and the wider public. He died in November 2024 aged 89. He specialised in - neuropsychiatry and neurophysiology - after his medical degree. Essentially he diagnosed the problem about - good end of life experience under a number of underpinning ideas: don’t deny the fact you are getting old; preparation; a pre-experience of forthcoming death; clearing up the debris. 

An important fact is when you pass 70 - generally speaking you are running out of time. It’s down hill from here. Health starts to get problematic - friends and family members might be popping off, you start to go to funerals more often, you read the obituary pages with more interest, you notice that the energy you once had for life and doing things is taking longer, your hearing and eyesight start to fail, incontinence might become an issue, sleeping erratically or not sleeping at all, putting on weight, drinking too much and perhaps indulging in illegal drugs etc. You get the picture. Face the - facts of life you are getting older. To deny this universal truth, will stop you - preparing emotionally and psychologically for the next stage in life.We are all mortal and there is no escaping the eventual ending, despite all the exercise, potions you take for longevity - the Grim Reaper is on his way. My father use to say - “when he calls your number, its time to go”. 

The fact that you have accepted the reality of the ageing process and eventual death - will make life much easier. It’s no good getting angry about this reality. Your parents, grandparents and great-grandparents - all went down the same road - as you are now going down. Moreover you are also an example - if you have children - there is nothing to fear about ageing and dying. My own parents were extremely good teachers in this regard. Neither feared dyeing or death - so why should I? So you are preparing the ground for a - good death. Of course this is contingent on being - compos mentis.

Peter Fenwick reported in cross cultural comparisons, the universal - pre-warning about a year before death of a dream The individual would experience - walking along a corridor and seeing a light at the far end and walking towards the light. There were often other deceased family members - there to welcome you. 

Finally, if there are relationship that you have with either friends or family that are problematic - try and sort them out and make reparations? This may not be possible, but at least give it a try? Perhaps, too much damage has been done over time, that reconciliation isn’t possible? 

So a book highly recommended for its understanding and helpful advice about the most important journey you will ever take.