The emotional costs of divorce.

According to the latest research by The Marriage Foundation the longitudinal emotional costs of divorce are enormous. As a parent who has divorced I'm only too conscious of the emotional burden this places on those who we most love, namely our children. Moreover as a one time couple/family therapist and adult psychoanalytic psychotherapist - I'm keenly aware of its impact on children. What can be done to minimise this impact, that will necessarily follow no matter how 'good the divorce'? The most important issue is to limit the ongoing conflict that may have caused the divorce in the first place. The two main reason for divorce are money and sex or the lack of it. Needless-to-say not being conflictual is easier said than done. The bile and hatred that can have been building for some time are not easy to lance. Divorce or separation never come out of the blue, there has been a build up over many years.
When I worked professionally we had and assumption that - divorce would generally starts to happen after the birth of the first child. That is to say that the couple don't come together as - husband and wife but act principally in the role of parents. Its very difficult to maintain the marriage when there are kids about, they act as a condone. Stopping the intercourse happening. Its imperative therefore that a couple come together again after the birth and function as a couple. Going out for a meal, the theatre or whatever - so that sense of  a 'oneness' takes place. This is the best protection against getting divorced, but there are no guarantees in life, but this is a good place to start from.